Day 101: “Why Would She Stay?”

A couple months prior to my departure the owner stood in my office doorway and proudly said “She’s taking a pay cut to come here. I told her I would double her compensation in a year if she meets my standards.”.

At that point the writing was on the wall that I was on my way out, but we hadn’t “had the talk” yet.

Normally I didn’t speak up but with his shit eating grin, and the cowardice he’d shown me with so many past situations, I said, “NAME, I hope you are serious about what you said. And that you aren’t hiring her under false pretenses. Are you even aware of what you need her to do to be able to fulfill that promise?”.

He was taken aback with how forward I was (despite that being why he hired me in the first place) and said, “As long as the company is doing well, and she does what is needed, I will fulfill it.”.

Our time overlapped and we worked together for about a month. It was clear that she would never meet his standard. Like with my role, the targets for her changed. Whenever progress was made in one area, the focus would be designated to another area. Regardless of the role hired for or experience in that position. Then there was bewilderment that the first area that had been paused wasn’t progressing.

I later found out that at her one year review she was given a pay decrease and a different job title. Once an asshole, always an asshole. Him, not her.

Earlier today I shared this story with my friend. She said, “Why would she stay?”. To which I responded, “When you are in a working situation like that your self esteem gets obliterated. You’re gaslit so much that you start to gaslight yourself. And wonder, am I really as bad as this person is saying I am? But all along you’ve been set up to fail because the person that hired you isn’t equipped to lead others.”.

I’ve seen it too many times with people and it’s sad to see.

Basically just buying time until the pain gets so unbearable that they either move, get a divorce, have health consequences… some type of catastrophic life event that results in them leaving. When all along, it was the job that was chipping away at them. But to let go of the job, they first lose something else.

This also happens with incompatible partners. Someone gets married because after they date someone long enough that’s the next step. But it’s the wrong person and that creates friction in the other areas of their life and then the catastrophe happens. Which also takes out the marriage.

People stay because they convince themselves it would be way harder to change their circumstances. Maybe they feel like it’s what they deserve. And that they should be grateful to have a job, have a spouse, have a client, have a home, etc.

I wish people would get better at quitting. And at spending time doing things they enjoy. Actually, I wish people would get better at looking long term at the possible consequences of the decisions they make. Especially if it’s with a potential employer, client or romantic partner.

When we accept unaligned opportunities because of fear of not having something/someone else better come along: that’s when we get into trouble.

Or, when we first meet someone who says they’ll give us the world, we just have to meet their needs: RUN.