Day 129: Showing Up Regardless

My bff called me today. We haven’t talked in a couple months. We randomly text each other. We’ve been each others person since junior year in highschool. 30 flipping years ago…insert mind blown emoji.

She called while I was walking the dogs. I answered and said “Impeccable timing.”. I was going through the mental drama that I’ll never make it as a business woman, my attention is too divided, I’m not exorbitantly talented in one area, I’ve wasted so many years. You know, the normal shit.

She's also going through it.

I’d love to say that we commiserated, solved each others problems while laughing and hung up 50 minutes later both feeling lighter and happy. But that would be a lie. The dread was and is real and is not easily tied up with a bow.

Both of us being able to be so honest, vulnerable and open definitely relieved some of the weight. Which is pretty major when you actually think about it. The quote “shame dies in the light” is coming to mind. Us entrepreneurs and business owners carry so much stress.

“Am I working on the right thing?”

“Why is there no real progress?”

“What am I doing wrong?”

“When am I going to catch a break?”

“How will I get by on what I’m bringing in income wise?”

“Who is going to save me?”

That last one, man. I believe it’s Denise Duffield Thomas that says in one of her books, “We’re the ones we’ve been waiting for.”. We have to be the ones to save ourselves. It’s exhausting though.

Well, when you focus on what’s not working out.

She said, “I’m so close I can actually smell it.”. I don’t doubt that. She always had super spidey senses. I used to mumble under my breath in English at 8 am and she’d respond. That’s probably when I realized that talking to myself was actually audible to others. Because I was doing it out loud (lol).

Anyways, she is making progress. I can see it. She’s building the relationships. She got a very significant sale recently.

It’s just such a SLOW BURN! I hate it for us. But also, it makes the wins so much more special. The time warp is real and the doubt of where our time and energy is spent is crippling at times.

This past week I’ve been thinking a lot about artists. How they create music. They aren’t constantly cranking out content. Or, maybe some are. But, how do you get inspired then turn it into a work of art. Repetition. Discipline. Showing up constantly and consistently for their craft. But without feedback? Or even worse, getting feedback that contradicts what they believe.

I don’t have the answers but I do know that having honest conversations about the struggle help.