Day 45: Focus on YOU
It’s finally here! The turning point where this blog starts to focus on you. It’s been on my mind for a while and after a couple back to back entries where I shared things for the sole purpose of making myself feel better, it clicked.
I don’t want this to be about me.
In the beginning, that’s exactly what I wanted and there was even a disclaimer which made me feel permitted to do whatever I wanted. The challenge was to show up 365 days (or more) and write. No limitations on what I would write about, who it would serve or having a goal other than committing to the practice of writing.
Because I’ve divulged all I feel like I need to about me, the entry yesterday about my mission helped me to recognize that it’s now time to switch the focus.
If you didn’t read yesterday’s I’ll share the mission again: “I want to inspire independent thought which will encourage people to use their God given gifts, making the world a better place.”
Now that the cats out of the bag, I’m going to have a sticky note on my laptop that reminds me each time I crack this bad boy open of
“How can I inspire you to think independently which will help you to recognize and share your gifts?”
First off, you need to recognize that all the voices in your head aren’t yours. Have you done this exercise yet? The one where you write down the worst things you say to yourself on a loop. The default thoughts that pop up the moment you: screw up at work, over share in a personal conversation, bump into a wall, spill something on your shirt.
Maybe the thought is “I’m such an idiot” or “of course I would do this again”. Or, maybe you hear it as “You’re such an idiot” or “of course you would do this again”.
Whichever it is, chances are this is something you heard and internalized at a very young age. Maybe a parent, sibling, teacher. Or you may have witnessed it happen to someone you loved or admired. They might have said those same things to themselves out loud.
Regardless, the sooner you can recognize that these default thoughts are NOT YOU, the quicker you can start creating alternative thoughts. Unfortunately when neuropathways are formed and become ingrained from constant repetition, there is no way to completely reroute. Meaning, you might be able to create a new thought when you screw up at work like, “it’s ok I’m human and mistakes happen” but you most likely will still default to the original demeaning thought.
Great news about that though… once you are able to pinpoint these really negative thoughts, the emotional charge around the thought is lessened. You’ll remember where the thought originated and that repeating it to yourself for a lifetime has created an easy groove.
Think of it like a pinball machine. You shoot the ball up and at the bottom you have those little flappers. Without acknowledging the thought loop the flappers are fixed. Once you come up with alternate phrases when things dont go as planned, your flappers will shoot that ball back up into other parts of the game. The ball is always going to come down (gravity) but you have your flappers to help keep things moving.
And don’t get nihilistic on me that it’s too much work. You have unlimited quarters to keep playing this game. It’s not over til it’s over. You will always face tough times but the way to not freeze your flappers and make it worse is to give yourself grace with empowering thoughts.
