Day 127: Overstimulated
Well today was a crazy week.
The husband is on day 2 of a cold. For this sickness he has opted for the middle floor instead of his usual basement cave. I moved my office to the middle floor a couple weeks ago and have had to relocate him for my meetings. He’s been accommodating but I’ve had to spend mornings working from the bedroom.
The DC region is about to get hammered with a couple feet of snow. If that happens the boys likely wont have school next week. They already have Thursday and Friday off.
I love my family, I really do. I just crave silence. Or maybe it’s not the silence but not having to worry about their well-being while we are cohabitating. Not like martyr type stuff but: have they eaten, are they taking screen breaks, etc. It’s annoying (for me…like I’m annoyed with myself) and a reaction/response to them being around that I’m trying to break. They are all capable of taking care of themselves. And mental drama on my part by feeling like I can’t get into real work because I’ll be disrupted is something I need to deal with.
When I was driving home after a grocery store run for Gatorade and other shit and Chik-fil-a for chicken noodle soup I thought about how I’d have my own office again one day. And when I had meetings scheduled I wouldn’t have to play “hide the husband”. Then I started to cry when I thought about the office I had in the 15 yo’s room.
Their current age is so mind boggling to me. I get tripped out all the time that these young men were created by Ryan and me. That I’ve known them their entire lives. How they’ve shaped me in so many ways.
I’m so proud of them and grateful that we did the hard things. I said no to the job offers early on. One week I had 2. But I couldn’t make the numbers work with daycare. And I also didn’t want to be away from them for that long. I always dreamed of being a mom.
Cutting this short because in our Success Secret Society monthly call tonight I remembered that I didn’t do 2 things I’m supposed to do from my Monday meeting with Carin.
Discombobulated! The only word that describes me when a sick person is in the house, random appts getting added to the schedule, and the potential of another 9 days of humans surrounding me.
When I was knee deep in my decluttering era one of my friends told me about a guy who said that everything you look at is basically making a request of you. So if you see shoes in the hallway the shoes are saying “Put me in the closet”. Dishes in the sink “Put me in the dishwasher”. Take out boxes in the fridge “throw me out”. Toothpaste in the sink “clean me”.
I find that to be true. So many requests. Non-stop. It’s hard for a home to be relaxing when it needs so much from you. I’m going to my sisters for a weekend in a few weeks. Her home wont speak to me. There will be nothing there for me to do but be. I’m looking forward to it. Oh, and we’re making vision boards. Hell yea!
