Day 53: Yikes, I Broke the Chain
This morning I woke up with the sudden realization that I didn’t write yesterday. Oof. I felt horrible. So bummed that I broke my 50+ day streak.
After a couple minutes of feeling really bad I decided that was enough and not to guilt myself about it.
Accidents happen.
There wasnt a great reason for missing yesterday besides social anxiety.
My husband had a work banquet last night and that has been on my mind since he invited me last week. <— side note: I’m grateful he only gave me a weeks notice.
His functions are always fun and I meet a lot of great and interesting people but there’s always that fear that I wont remember someone who I’ve already met. Being in crowds is overwhelming and all the functions are group socials. So I’m meeting people in a frenzied mental state which impacts my ability to remember names, faces, details, etc. Usually it’s not that bad but at those functions everyone knows everyone and they remember me because I’m the only newbie.
Throughout the night I had multiple conversations about the dress code. I ended up wearing a white button down and camel suede skirt with booties. The dress code was listed as something not google-able. Everyone was confused and it showed by the very differing outfits worn. There was no judgement but it was nice for everyone to have in common the confusion of what to wear.
A couple hours into the evening I scanned the room and saw one of his clients who is an author. She looked how I felt. Ready for a very quiet room.
When I got home, a little bit tipsy, the last thing I was thinking about was writing. Definitely should have done it earlier in the day but I was focused on dilly dallying. Plus I had a sick kid home which is always discombobulating.
Years ago I learned (probably through Brene Brown) just how debilitating and worthless shame and guilt are. As a recovering Catholic her teachings were very welcomed and healing.
Now whenever I catch myself feeling dumb or like a loser for “something as small as” I remind myself that giving it more attention is going to feed the negativity. Learn from the experience, and leave it at that. Is there anything I could have done different? If so, keep that in mind for the future.
Had I continued to indulge in despair I wouldn’t have reached out to a previous client that I reconnected with at last nights function. Instead I would have filled my head with thoughts like, “How can I reconnect when I can’t even keep commitments to myself?” or “Obviously I’m too overwhelmed to reach out if writing daily is too hard to handle.”.
Self defeating thoughts didn’t get to happen because I decided to forgive myself for the slight and move on.
And now I have a lunch scheduled with an amazing business owner who I really admire!
Ok, see you tomorrow!
