Day 75: I’m Back Baby
Back home. Where we belong.
The trip overall was wonderful despite my occasional overwhelm (body temperature, sleep issues, over-stimulation, etc).
Unlike in past years we didn’t spend a lot of time on Market Street, the quaint main drag with nice hobby shops lining the street. Because it was so cold and there was snow on the ground, plus my shopper buddy shopped the day before with his cousins, he and I only made it to my one favorite shop. I was able to get my mother-in-law a super cute serving platter from her fave designer, making it a win.
With my parents aging and some health situations in the past 2 years, plus the exhaustion of hosting, a lot of things have changed. Again, bitter sweet.
Driving back last night I saw homes lit up and thought how lovely it is for people to adorn their homes to bring joy to strangers. Sure there is a bit of self satisfaction involved but I like to think of it as an altruistic offering to bring warmth to others. I love it!
There’s something so lovely about taking care of other people. I’m an absolute proponent of caregiving having to be out of love, not obligation. I spent so much time in resentment by constantly feeling overwhelmed as a mom of young kids. It wasn’t until I learned about ADHD and HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) that it all started to make sense. Having an unregulated nervous system can reek such havoc on all aspects of your life.
Even if we are aware of our maladies it isn’t a magic bullet. We have to spend so much time, and forethought, on creating environments and systems that help us to function. To put it lightly, it’s a shit show. And trying to manage that while working or running a business, taking care of littles, maintaining a household by cleaning, doing laundry, feeding, bathing, scheduling entertaining, and educating…it’s a surprise that more people don’t run away or have mental breakdowns.
It’s so hard to be a parent.
Even for my parents now, I’m sure. I can be a lot to handle at times. Plus, my mom (like most moms, Ive heard) can be a revisionist of our family’s history which triggers my disdain for dishonesty and results in me being more negative. I tend not to get too bent out of shape but if my kids are around and they tell their perspective, I quickly jump in with mine.
My boys are such sweethearts. They are both so good at having conversations and being present. Let’s be honest, they are also great at being on their phones but I try not to fault them for that. Until the past few months I was extremely addicted too. When they are involved though, they are very present and able to have a conversation.
I don’t recall ever having conversations with my parents when I grew up. Maybe that’s why the attention now feels like too much. … next level of subconscious pain unlocked!!! Woah, my mind is blown.
