Day 77: An Act of Audacity, Not Altruism

When I told Evelyn about the blog yesterday she said, “So you write and then just put it out there into the world? How do people find it? What if people make mean comments?”.

I answered to the best of my ability.

“Yea, I just put it out there. And assume that whoever is supposed to find it, will. And, I don’t think comments are enabled. They were on my first blog but I never got mean comments. And if I were to get some, I’d ignore it.”.

That’s the beauty of the way I set out to do this current blogging challenge. It’s literally just to see what comes up for me.

What are the recurring themes that I write about. How I’m structuring what I write. What gives me the most energy after publishing. Which posts make me squeamish and want to hide. Why some of the entries begin and remain as drafts with the day’s writing that follows completely different and written with no hesitation.

It’s all data collection at this point.

This morning I found what I wrote on September 17, the day after I started this challenge. I was feverishly looking for meeting notes for my final leadership meeting for the council I chair for our local chamber. Side note: this is your reminder to quit things that aren’t in alignment and burn up too much of your energy.

I didn’t end up finding the notes from a couple months back but was amazed with the clarity of what I journaled on September 17.

It said:

“The only way this will work is if it’s an act of audacity, not altruism. If I try to tie writing to strategy or creating an impact, it will water down the message and fluidity of free flow writing.
I’m here to uncover. Discover. Dive in and excavate. Through this practice I will heal and embody who I know I am at the core.”

Dude what? That’s some good shit right there.

It’s an act of audacity, not altruism…. put that on a flipping tshirt.

Evelyn shared a proposed title for these writings and shared with me how writing and “talking into the void” helped her during a healing period.

Months ago my other friend also mentioned how much she was helped by writing an anon blog while going through her separation.

I want this for every woman.

Processing trauma however she feels called to.

By creating words on a screen, scratches in a notebook, paint on a canvas… whatever modality it is. Creating for the sake of it. To remove what is blocking her by getting things flowing out of her.

It’s the kindest and most well rounded way to work through things. Keeping things bottled up and attempting to control life’s challenges through project management and efficiency just prolongs the healing process.