Day 82: AITA?

Would the world be a better place if everyone asked themselves at least once a week, “Am I The Asshole”?

I learned about AITA about a year ago when my husband got into reading the thread on Reddit. He would save special ones for me. Usually my response to questions like AITA is, “if you’re asking the question, you probably already know the answer”. But man, some of these mini books people wrote were so detailed, it was difficult to make a verdict.

There are likely some people out there that have never heard about AITA. And even more people who have never considered that they may in fact be the asshole.

Which is fascinating to me.

When people go through life just living and thinking that everything that is happening, is happening to them. There’s no acknowledgement of their part played in the producing of outcomes.

Last Sunday my sister tagged me in an awesome holidate deal with “Bring me”. Within minutes I texted and asked when. 20 minutes later we were locked and loaded for today.

It was so lovely! There were some hiccups like not knowing we could get a photo with Santa until we had to go back to get the parking validated. The holiday market was setting up while we were dorking around waiting for the parking. My boys both had their first basketball games of the season (back to back!) today so instead of going later in the day, we had to do it in the morning. It was still great though.

Anywho, we talked for 3 hours non-stop. About my visit to the parents for Thanksgiving, the kids, the husbands, the friends. A bit about the rebrand.

At one point my sister said about one of her friends, “I’m just going to let her be who she is.”. And that is exactly right. People are going to be who they are regardless of how it effects us or how we think they could better live their lives.

If she was just a little less negative everything in her life would shift and get better.

Why can’t he understand that when he doesn’t contribute, it creates resentment.

How does she not see that she has had the same fight with her husband since they’ve been together?

It would be better if people would do what we think they should do, right? But no, these jerks just continue their loops of doing something and getting a similar result and then wondering why. All while we shake our heads in dismay.

Many years ago I was commiserating to my husband about my friends marriage. I went on and on about what a douche her husband was. And it wasn’t even from her complaining about him. It was just what I saw. The way he treated her and talked to her. I said to Ryan, “I can’t believe she’s still with him. He’s such an asshole.”

And Ryan says,

“Yea, well she’s no treat either.”.

I started to laugh because it was so true. Both of them were assholes in their own right. And somehow it just worked for them.

Maybe a day or so later I started to think about myself. And realize that I’m an asshole sometimes! What?!

Aren’t we all, though?

There’s great liberation in admitting it instead of trying to be righteous and pretend that we are infallible. When we can admit to being the asshole, when we’ve been an asshole, it prevents us from having to dig in and double down on not being one. Which makes us come up with excuses and avoid responsibility.

If you’re being an asshole, own it. It will help build your muscle to recognize when it is you. Which is way better than seeking out counsel from a bunch of strangers and validating that you are a victim and are more righteous.

Maybe my, “If you have to ask the question you already know the answer” is in fact the right statement.