Day 37: Exposure Vulnerability

On day 29 I shared with my monthly newsletter subscribers that I was posting daily.

Today I shared about the daily posts in a reel on Instagram.

In retrospect, I should have waited until I wrote today before sharing in that way.

I was so excited though that I was able to successfully record and upload audio files so easily. My excitement, and completing the tasks, was probably in part due to extra caffeine from the protein latte from Starbucks. That seems to be my little treat now whenever I have in-person AirBNB business to attend to.

Anywho, I recorded a few of these entries, uploaded them, shared online and promptly took the furry friends on a walk to burn off some of the energy.

It didn’t help though. The vulnerability that comes with exposure is always difficult to deal with.

You gaslight yourself by thinking, "it’s not that big of a deal.” but then also convince yourself that people are making fun of you. And then there is the, “why the f am I doing this any way?”.

Even though you are familiar with the defeatist thoughts and squishy guts, you can’t logic your way out of feeling disheveled.

Which is really why I should have waited until after I wrote today to post on social.

Oh well, what’s done is done.

To address what’s going on in my head right now:

“It’s not that big of a deal.” <— this is true. I’m the one who decided to do this and it has been an enjoyable experience so far.

“people are making fun of you” <— who cares if this happens. Fears around family, friends, colleagues and strangers thinking poorly of me can’t be a concern during this challenge. Or in my life at all.

“why the f am I doing this any way?” <— because I want to be a writer. Because I want to grow and evolve how I write. Because I want to be an inspiration to others who should share and hone their gifts. Because I want people who read what I write to connect with themselves and realize they aren’t alone. Because it feels good and is already helping me process thoughts in a powerful way.

There are sooo many reasons!

Yay, I’m feeling better now!